Holkham here we come

Two middle aged men make a pact.

One of them has a heart condition, asthma, sciatic pain, ADHD, crap eyesight, mostly deaf in one ear and is a terrible swimmer.

The other has chronic hip pain, shoulder pain, knee pain, back pain and is a terrible runner - or at least just wasn’t built for running.

In the cold, dark, long damp days of winter they make a pact to train for and take part in the Holkham Half triathlon in July 2024.

One of them is a member of Sudbury’s TRISudbury triathlon club, the other has just joined Bury’s West Suffolk Wheelers triathlon club.

One is large, bearded and ginger. The other is grey and hairy with short legs.

Neither are anywhere near fit enough. Yet.

However, middle aged men make odd decisions. Time is passing, there’s mortality in the air, existential crisis lie all around. If not now, then when?

So far, triathlon experience has consisted of a few sprint triathlons with mixed results.

Neither will ever do an Ironman - not with their current bodies, their biggest challenge will be a half, and based on their physical condition that will be a challenge.

In February, in their respective kitchens, they pin up a 20 week training plan and they agree to stick to it religiously every day, no excuses.

By week two shit has hit the fan.

The short legged one wrecks his back cycling in Lanzarote (it was all going so well!!) and is laid up unable to put on his own pants and socks.

The ginger one’s hips are causing him so much grief he goes for blood tests to check it’s nothing more sinister.

Plans have already gone out the window.

Short legs goes for a routine health MOT. This is followed by a series of heart test that reveal he has an advanced leaky valve. Blood that should be going out, ends up coming back - apparently  that’s not good if you want to exert yourself in any way.

Wiser family members say things like: “Just ring Holkham and say you aren’t doing it.”

But they’ve already secured a caravan near Holkham for the weekend of the event and there’s still 17 weeks to go. Surely things can only improve?

So we crack on.

We had a good swim on Friday night, followed by a beer and the ginger one has bought an ice bath. Looks a little cozy for two but we’re already at the stage where we’ll try anything.

Stay tuned…

PICTURE: The ginger, Ade, one and short legs, Jonathan.